Here I am 90 miles from my son. He calls me every night on his way home from work. Tonight he could not hold it in. He was sobbing. He has lost everything: his dignity, his hope, his future, his friends, his previous job, his home, HIS LIFE. What and how can a mother who loves their son so much comfort him. All I can tell him is how much I love him. My heart is broken for him, just broken.
He is my only child and I know he will be serving time. Yes, he possibly downloaded something and deleted it. He has never had a computer class. I doubt he knew. Hillary knew! Has she been arrested? NO! Where is the justice in this county? There is none. I have no faith in our system whatsoever.
Why destroy a person's life? WHY? I am not a physician, I am not able to make a statement of fact, but as his mother, I think he has a mental illness. Did the addiction cause the mental illness? Or did the mental illness cause the addiction? I don't know. But I do know he will be sent to prison for this. Prison is not what he needs. He needs mental help. But there is none.
Government officials should be imprisoned, but they won't be. They have money. They have clout. I am so angry and so hurt and so sad all at the same time. I have no money to help my son get the help he needs. I have no money to get the defense he needs. He has no one but me and I have no one but him. No family whatsoever other than the two of us. He needs me!! If I go live with him until the trial, I will lose my apartment. I can't abandon it or I will be homeless. I feel so helpless.
I only have God and my son and a few good friends. That is enough. My son has no one other than me. His friends have abandoned him. His employer abandoned him. People are so cruel and so mean! I pray daily for my son to have strength, but he is not a strong person. He cannot. He is merely going through the motions and is trying to work 14 hours a day just to TRY to keep his bills paid and have a good credit score. For what?!?!?! Because he was raised that way and he insists that he has to do this even though on September 5th, it will all taken away from him. Take it all away from government officials and see how they feel. Nope, that won't happen to them or their family members. Just us poor people who have nothing.
I can't wait to spend a couple of days with my son. He told me tonight he is so lonely. He is sobbing and I am trying to hold it together so he doesn't hear my cry. Only by God's grace am I getting through this.
I am asking anyone who reads this to please pray for my son. Please pray there will be favorable justice for him. If not, I am sure he will not survive. God I need you now more than I have ever needed you in my life!!
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Saturday, June 3, 2017
My Life Has Changed Forever
June 2, 2017 is the day my life changed forever. I went to bed the night before not dreaming of a nightmare in my future. But, it is here. I awakened on the morning of June 2, 2017 to my door bell ringing and ringing. I managed to gather my dog and myself and get to the door. Who was there? My friend Joanne. What a surprise!
Before I could get completely awake she told me she was there to tell me about my son. First thoughts are wanting to know if he is ok. She told me to call him. I turn my ringer off at night so that I don't have any telemarketer calls waking me up early. I saw my son had tried to call me 33 times. Joanne proceeded to tell me that my son had been arrested. I went numb. I called my son and he answered sobbing and I could hardly understand him. Yes, he ad been arrested and I had no clue why.
This is the young man who has been my life since the day I found out I was pregnant. He is my only child and we are the only family each of us has. I love him more than the breath I breathe. He was not allowed to tell me the charges. He kept telling me how sorry he was and that he loved me and that it was bad. I could hear someone in the background. The call was short. All I knew was that someone would be calling me and to answer the phone when they did.
I started scrambling to pack a suitcase and gather my medicines and toiletries. I was going to do my best to get to him. I have always been there for him, and I was not going to stop now. He has always been a wonderful son and citizen. Never a moments trouble, a hard worker and a kind and giving person. What could it be? If the Feds had arrested him, it had to be bad.
Once everything was packed and in the car, I received a phone call from his public defender. She had spoken to him. She indicated my son did not want all the charges revealed to me. I sat quietly in the car listening to her and finally learned the overall charge and she confirmed he would probably serve time. I am thinking this must be a nightmare I am having. Not this wonderful young man who is my life. She informed me he was being transferred to another location and that I would not be able to call him. With it being Friday, she said she would not be able to speak to him again until he appeared before a judge on Monday. I managed to get the number of the prison he was being sent to over the weekend. I asked very few questions because I am absolutely in shock. She indicated it would probably not make sense to drive 90 miles to try to see him because he would be in transit to the other city.
I hung up with her not knowing what to do. I literally drove around in disbelief. I could not think. I could not cry. I could only breathe and barely that. Once it started to sink in how his life and mine had changed in an instant, I sobbed and sobbed. I came back home and unpacked the car as I was told there would be another phone call coming in for me. I am in limbo, feeling helpless. This is one time as a mother I cannot help my son.
While waiting for the second call, I contacted the facility where he was being transported and learned there is no weekend visitation. I will have to wait until Monday to see him when he is brought back to appear in front of a judge. I did learn that the facility would make arrangements for him to call me that evening.
My son called and was sobbing. I could tell he had no rest and was losing it. He will have a nervous breakdown and even worse, I know he cannot survive this. He told me that I was strong, but he was not. I insisted that he had to be strong. The call was short. I kept telling him I loved him over and over. Then we hung up.
Tears. How many tears can one shed. Between my son and myself, Noah's ark is floating. I am here alone visualizing all he is enduring and what is to come, and it is not pretty. His life is ruined. He has no future. This is like a death. Shock. Unbelief. Just numb.
So, we both wait until Monday. His life and mine are forever changed. I ask each of you to pray for my son. Please pray that he be given the strength to survive this ordeal. No matter what he has done, I will always love him. He is not strong and only he can choose to get through this. Please pray. My heart is broken for him.
Before I could get completely awake she told me she was there to tell me about my son. First thoughts are wanting to know if he is ok. She told me to call him. I turn my ringer off at night so that I don't have any telemarketer calls waking me up early. I saw my son had tried to call me 33 times. Joanne proceeded to tell me that my son had been arrested. I went numb. I called my son and he answered sobbing and I could hardly understand him. Yes, he ad been arrested and I had no clue why.
This is the young man who has been my life since the day I found out I was pregnant. He is my only child and we are the only family each of us has. I love him more than the breath I breathe. He was not allowed to tell me the charges. He kept telling me how sorry he was and that he loved me and that it was bad. I could hear someone in the background. The call was short. All I knew was that someone would be calling me and to answer the phone when they did.
I started scrambling to pack a suitcase and gather my medicines and toiletries. I was going to do my best to get to him. I have always been there for him, and I was not going to stop now. He has always been a wonderful son and citizen. Never a moments trouble, a hard worker and a kind and giving person. What could it be? If the Feds had arrested him, it had to be bad.
Once everything was packed and in the car, I received a phone call from his public defender. She had spoken to him. She indicated my son did not want all the charges revealed to me. I sat quietly in the car listening to her and finally learned the overall charge and she confirmed he would probably serve time. I am thinking this must be a nightmare I am having. Not this wonderful young man who is my life. She informed me he was being transferred to another location and that I would not be able to call him. With it being Friday, she said she would not be able to speak to him again until he appeared before a judge on Monday. I managed to get the number of the prison he was being sent to over the weekend. I asked very few questions because I am absolutely in shock. She indicated it would probably not make sense to drive 90 miles to try to see him because he would be in transit to the other city.
I hung up with her not knowing what to do. I literally drove around in disbelief. I could not think. I could not cry. I could only breathe and barely that. Once it started to sink in how his life and mine had changed in an instant, I sobbed and sobbed. I came back home and unpacked the car as I was told there would be another phone call coming in for me. I am in limbo, feeling helpless. This is one time as a mother I cannot help my son.
While waiting for the second call, I contacted the facility where he was being transported and learned there is no weekend visitation. I will have to wait until Monday to see him when he is brought back to appear in front of a judge. I did learn that the facility would make arrangements for him to call me that evening.
My son called and was sobbing. I could tell he had no rest and was losing it. He will have a nervous breakdown and even worse, I know he cannot survive this. He told me that I was strong, but he was not. I insisted that he had to be strong. The call was short. I kept telling him I loved him over and over. Then we hung up.
Tears. How many tears can one shed. Between my son and myself, Noah's ark is floating. I am here alone visualizing all he is enduring and what is to come, and it is not pretty. His life is ruined. He has no future. This is like a death. Shock. Unbelief. Just numb.
So, we both wait until Monday. His life and mine are forever changed. I ask each of you to pray for my son. Please pray that he be given the strength to survive this ordeal. No matter what he has done, I will always love him. He is not strong and only he can choose to get through this. Please pray. My heart is broken for him.
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