Here I am 90 miles from my son. He calls me every night on his way home from work. Tonight he could not hold it in. He was sobbing. He has lost everything: his dignity, his hope, his future, his friends, his previous job, his home, HIS LIFE. What and how can a mother who loves their son so much comfort him. All I can tell him is how much I love him. My heart is broken for him, just broken.
He is my only child and I know he will be serving time. Yes, he possibly downloaded something and deleted it. He has never had a computer class. I doubt he knew. Hillary knew! Has she been arrested? NO! Where is the justice in this county? There is none. I have no faith in our system whatsoever.
Why destroy a person's life? WHY? I am not a physician, I am not able to make a statement of fact, but as his mother, I think he has a mental illness. Did the addiction cause the mental illness? Or did the mental illness cause the addiction? I don't know. But I do know he will be sent to prison for this. Prison is not what he needs. He needs mental help. But there is none.
Government officials should be imprisoned, but they won't be. They have money. They have clout. I am so angry and so hurt and so sad all at the same time. I have no money to help my son get the help he needs. I have no money to get the defense he needs. He has no one but me and I have no one but him. No family whatsoever other than the two of us. He needs me!! If I go live with him until the trial, I will lose my apartment. I can't abandon it or I will be homeless. I feel so helpless.
I only have God and my son and a few good friends. That is enough. My son has no one other than me. His friends have abandoned him. His employer abandoned him. People are so cruel and so mean! I pray daily for my son to have strength, but he is not a strong person. He cannot. He is merely going through the motions and is trying to work 14 hours a day just to TRY to keep his bills paid and have a good credit score. For what?!?!?! Because he was raised that way and he insists that he has to do this even though on September 5th, it will all taken away from him. Take it all away from government officials and see how they feel. Nope, that won't happen to them or their family members. Just us poor people who have nothing.
I can't wait to spend a couple of days with my son. He told me tonight he is so lonely. He is sobbing and I am trying to hold it together so he doesn't hear my cry. Only by God's grace am I getting through this.
I am asking anyone who reads this to please pray for my son. Please pray there will be favorable justice for him. If not, I am sure he will not survive. God I need you now more than I have ever needed you in my life!!
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Saturday, June 3, 2017
My Life Has Changed Forever
June 2, 2017 is the day my life changed forever. I went to bed the night before not dreaming of a nightmare in my future. But, it is here. I awakened on the morning of June 2, 2017 to my door bell ringing and ringing. I managed to gather my dog and myself and get to the door. Who was there? My friend Joanne. What a surprise!
Before I could get completely awake she told me she was there to tell me about my son. First thoughts are wanting to know if he is ok. She told me to call him. I turn my ringer off at night so that I don't have any telemarketer calls waking me up early. I saw my son had tried to call me 33 times. Joanne proceeded to tell me that my son had been arrested. I went numb. I called my son and he answered sobbing and I could hardly understand him. Yes, he ad been arrested and I had no clue why.
This is the young man who has been my life since the day I found out I was pregnant. He is my only child and we are the only family each of us has. I love him more than the breath I breathe. He was not allowed to tell me the charges. He kept telling me how sorry he was and that he loved me and that it was bad. I could hear someone in the background. The call was short. All I knew was that someone would be calling me and to answer the phone when they did.
I started scrambling to pack a suitcase and gather my medicines and toiletries. I was going to do my best to get to him. I have always been there for him, and I was not going to stop now. He has always been a wonderful son and citizen. Never a moments trouble, a hard worker and a kind and giving person. What could it be? If the Feds had arrested him, it had to be bad.
Once everything was packed and in the car, I received a phone call from his public defender. She had spoken to him. She indicated my son did not want all the charges revealed to me. I sat quietly in the car listening to her and finally learned the overall charge and she confirmed he would probably serve time. I am thinking this must be a nightmare I am having. Not this wonderful young man who is my life. She informed me he was being transferred to another location and that I would not be able to call him. With it being Friday, she said she would not be able to speak to him again until he appeared before a judge on Monday. I managed to get the number of the prison he was being sent to over the weekend. I asked very few questions because I am absolutely in shock. She indicated it would probably not make sense to drive 90 miles to try to see him because he would be in transit to the other city.
I hung up with her not knowing what to do. I literally drove around in disbelief. I could not think. I could not cry. I could only breathe and barely that. Once it started to sink in how his life and mine had changed in an instant, I sobbed and sobbed. I came back home and unpacked the car as I was told there would be another phone call coming in for me. I am in limbo, feeling helpless. This is one time as a mother I cannot help my son.
While waiting for the second call, I contacted the facility where he was being transported and learned there is no weekend visitation. I will have to wait until Monday to see him when he is brought back to appear in front of a judge. I did learn that the facility would make arrangements for him to call me that evening.
My son called and was sobbing. I could tell he had no rest and was losing it. He will have a nervous breakdown and even worse, I know he cannot survive this. He told me that I was strong, but he was not. I insisted that he had to be strong. The call was short. I kept telling him I loved him over and over. Then we hung up.
Tears. How many tears can one shed. Between my son and myself, Noah's ark is floating. I am here alone visualizing all he is enduring and what is to come, and it is not pretty. His life is ruined. He has no future. This is like a death. Shock. Unbelief. Just numb.
So, we both wait until Monday. His life and mine are forever changed. I ask each of you to pray for my son. Please pray that he be given the strength to survive this ordeal. No matter what he has done, I will always love him. He is not strong and only he can choose to get through this. Please pray. My heart is broken for him.
Before I could get completely awake she told me she was there to tell me about my son. First thoughts are wanting to know if he is ok. She told me to call him. I turn my ringer off at night so that I don't have any telemarketer calls waking me up early. I saw my son had tried to call me 33 times. Joanne proceeded to tell me that my son had been arrested. I went numb. I called my son and he answered sobbing and I could hardly understand him. Yes, he ad been arrested and I had no clue why.
This is the young man who has been my life since the day I found out I was pregnant. He is my only child and we are the only family each of us has. I love him more than the breath I breathe. He was not allowed to tell me the charges. He kept telling me how sorry he was and that he loved me and that it was bad. I could hear someone in the background. The call was short. All I knew was that someone would be calling me and to answer the phone when they did.
I started scrambling to pack a suitcase and gather my medicines and toiletries. I was going to do my best to get to him. I have always been there for him, and I was not going to stop now. He has always been a wonderful son and citizen. Never a moments trouble, a hard worker and a kind and giving person. What could it be? If the Feds had arrested him, it had to be bad.
Once everything was packed and in the car, I received a phone call from his public defender. She had spoken to him. She indicated my son did not want all the charges revealed to me. I sat quietly in the car listening to her and finally learned the overall charge and she confirmed he would probably serve time. I am thinking this must be a nightmare I am having. Not this wonderful young man who is my life. She informed me he was being transferred to another location and that I would not be able to call him. With it being Friday, she said she would not be able to speak to him again until he appeared before a judge on Monday. I managed to get the number of the prison he was being sent to over the weekend. I asked very few questions because I am absolutely in shock. She indicated it would probably not make sense to drive 90 miles to try to see him because he would be in transit to the other city.
I hung up with her not knowing what to do. I literally drove around in disbelief. I could not think. I could not cry. I could only breathe and barely that. Once it started to sink in how his life and mine had changed in an instant, I sobbed and sobbed. I came back home and unpacked the car as I was told there would be another phone call coming in for me. I am in limbo, feeling helpless. This is one time as a mother I cannot help my son.
While waiting for the second call, I contacted the facility where he was being transported and learned there is no weekend visitation. I will have to wait until Monday to see him when he is brought back to appear in front of a judge. I did learn that the facility would make arrangements for him to call me that evening.
My son called and was sobbing. I could tell he had no rest and was losing it. He will have a nervous breakdown and even worse, I know he cannot survive this. He told me that I was strong, but he was not. I insisted that he had to be strong. The call was short. I kept telling him I loved him over and over. Then we hung up.
Tears. How many tears can one shed. Between my son and myself, Noah's ark is floating. I am here alone visualizing all he is enduring and what is to come, and it is not pretty. His life is ruined. He has no future. This is like a death. Shock. Unbelief. Just numb.
So, we both wait until Monday. His life and mine are forever changed. I ask each of you to pray for my son. Please pray that he be given the strength to survive this ordeal. No matter what he has done, I will always love him. He is not strong and only he can choose to get through this. Please pray. My heart is broken for him.
Friday, April 21, 2017
JuJu and Joanna...The Seniors' Journey
Years before JuJu and Joanna met, JuJu experienced some significant health issues. It took many months to even feel human. JuJu had to be out of work for 3 months trying to recover. Little did she know, this would be a challenging journey in itself. The sickness left her with a number of illnesses and a disease that would plague her later. The Graves Disease alone took over 10 years to regulate.
Joanna had been trying to continue to work while she was in her forties and fifties, all the while dealing with extreme back pain. Like JuJu, you do what you have to do to survive and make a living. The pain Joanna suffered would eventually catch up with her, as well.
JuJu and Joanna separated from their husbands around the same time. They both struggled with the overwhelming emotions that go along with separation and divorce. Neither of them expected to be separated, but circumstances come into our lives and we just have to deal with them. Easy or not. It wasn't just the emotional anxiety that had attacked them both, but the stress of separation and divorce sometimes has a way of causing illnesses to peak its head back up.
I am not sure who called the other first, but eventually phone communication started between the two new friends and they began to slowly share some of their life events with each other. Friendship had to grow as both of them had a shield up. JuJu and Joanna joined Tam several more times for a few outings, only to acknowledge they both no longer needed or wanted to be in the bar scene. It surely was not as much fun as it had been in their much younger years. With that determined, JuJu and Joanna would sometimes meet for supper at nearby restaurants and continue their conversations and growing friendship.
Joanna had been trying to continue to work while she was in her forties and fifties, all the while dealing with extreme back pain. Like JuJu, you do what you have to do to survive and make a living. The pain Joanna suffered would eventually catch up with her, as well.
JuJu and Joanna separated from their husbands around the same time. They both struggled with the overwhelming emotions that go along with separation and divorce. Neither of them expected to be separated, but circumstances come into our lives and we just have to deal with them. Easy or not. It wasn't just the emotional anxiety that had attacked them both, but the stress of separation and divorce sometimes has a way of causing illnesses to peak its head back up.
I am not sure who called the other first, but eventually phone communication started between the two new friends and they began to slowly share some of their life events with each other. Friendship had to grow as both of them had a shield up. JuJu and Joanna joined Tam several more times for a few outings, only to acknowledge they both no longer needed or wanted to be in the bar scene. It surely was not as much fun as it had been in their much younger years. With that determined, JuJu and Joanna would sometimes meet for supper at nearby restaurants and continue their conversations and growing friendship.
Thursday, April 20, 2017
JuJu and Joanna...The Seniors' Journey
Being 65 and 66 and also being friends for over 15 years, JuJu and Joanna had shared the "beginnings" of senior life when they first met. Of course, when they first met, even then in their fifties, thinking "senior" had not entered their minds.
Joanna was introduced to JuJu as a friend of Tam's. The three of them were out for the night! Yay! Going out for a drink at a restaurant. But, these three were going directly to the bar. They all had a seat and ordered a drink and the evening began. Joanna and JuJu were sitting beside each other and Tam was across from them. Tam was younger and she never let them forget it too. Tam always attracting the men...all men, all ages...Tam was funny, had a great smile and of course, was 13 years younger.
The evening ended somewhat early with JuJu and Joanna getting more acquainted and Tam wanting more fun. Never knew what 13 years difference in age could do. JuJu and Joanna were content to call it an evening and they did. As I can remember, they exchanged phone numbers, not knowing if one would call the other. But something sparked between the two ladies. Kinda like a friendship in the making.
JuJu and Joanna were still working at this stage in their life. Both of them were recently separated and each of them had adult children. In the case of JuJu, she had only the one child, a son. Joanna had three children, two boys and a girl. With much in common, the beginnings of this friendship was going to be good. Just a good feeling about it.
Joanna was introduced to JuJu as a friend of Tam's. The three of them were out for the night! Yay! Going out for a drink at a restaurant. But, these three were going directly to the bar. They all had a seat and ordered a drink and the evening began. Joanna and JuJu were sitting beside each other and Tam was across from them. Tam was younger and she never let them forget it too. Tam always attracting the men...all men, all ages...Tam was funny, had a great smile and of course, was 13 years younger.
The evening ended somewhat early with JuJu and Joanna getting more acquainted and Tam wanting more fun. Never knew what 13 years difference in age could do. JuJu and Joanna were content to call it an evening and they did. As I can remember, they exchanged phone numbers, not knowing if one would call the other. But something sparked between the two ladies. Kinda like a friendship in the making.
JuJu and Joanna were still working at this stage in their life. Both of them were recently separated and each of them had adult children. In the case of JuJu, she had only the one child, a son. Joanna had three children, two boys and a girl. With much in common, the beginnings of this friendship was going to be good. Just a good feeling about it.
Saturday, February 25, 2017
Tears and more tears!
I can't post this on FB because my son might see it. I am sitting here with tears streaming. I live in a senior complex with residential apartments behind me. Tonight between 7:30 and 7:45 PM, someone vandalized my front porch. First it scarred the crap out of me. Someone took a small planter and threw it through my screen door and hit my main door. It sounded like a baseball. I called the police and filed a report. But that report does not give me pack my sense of security. I can't move. I really like where I am, but once it starts, I expect it will continue. Am I scared, of course. I live alone. I am old. I am poor. What can I do? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. I do have my gun out. I do know how to use it and I always keep it loaded. But I should not have to live this way. Why are people so mean and disrespectful?
I am very much a positive person, but this time I feel that this is going to continue, because they cannot be caught and cannot be stopped. I do know how to shoot and I don't care if they are young, old, black, white or purple, I will shoot if anyone comes and I catch them.
Just say a prayer for my safety and my sanity because this has shaken me.
Tears streaming.
I am very much a positive person, but this time I feel that this is going to continue, because they cannot be caught and cannot be stopped. I do know how to shoot and I don't care if they are young, old, black, white or purple, I will shoot if anyone comes and I catch them.
Just say a prayer for my safety and my sanity because this has shaken me.
Tears streaming.
Friday, February 24, 2017
Walking and thinking
As I was walking with Sophie a short time ago, I was thinking...lol I know, scary!! I have a "small" circle of friends, all female with the exception of one special man who is so kind. I love my neighbors and speak to them when I am out, but I don't want to get close to them and let them know my business. I am here for them, and they are here for me. I like my single life. As I told my male friend, "I don't and won't put up with BS!". He just laughed. But, I do miss conversations sometimes, not that my "X' ever offered any!! That is the truth!! Silence was golden there! lol But you young folks remember, when you get old and you are all alone, you will look back on your life as I do every single day, and wish you were still young and having the fun you used to have. So you "youngins", make each moment count and enjoy each day with smiles, laughter and love. Because, you WILL be my age one day and I hope you can say you had a blast reaching this age. I did, but I sure miss the fun!!
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
What's been going on?
A lot has been going on. Finally, after numerous visits and tests by my urologist, I am well. No cancer, no infection...feeling blessed. And, after several visits to my dermatologist, and after having been diagnosed with Basal Cell Cancer on my leg, I am healing. WOW! Burned and scraped and burned and scraped! Pretty good size indention and open wound in my leg, but I will survive. Those are the key words: I will survive!!
I can actually feel spring getting closer. It feels and smells different outside. I have taken walks with my special furry baby, Sophie, 3 times this week. The weather has actually been decent enough for sleeveless and shorts. That will change, of course. Cooler air for the latter part of the week. But, spring is coming. That means lots of birds singing and lots of color when I plant all my favorite flowers.
There is something about flowers that just bring joy to my soul. I love to get my hands into the dirt and smell the soil. Watching my flowers bloom and then enjoying them for the balance of the year just makes my heart sing!
So bye for now. Quiet and peaceful here. Enjoy each day and remember to SMILE!
I can actually feel spring getting closer. It feels and smells different outside. I have taken walks with my special furry baby, Sophie, 3 times this week. The weather has actually been decent enough for sleeveless and shorts. That will change, of course. Cooler air for the latter part of the week. But, spring is coming. That means lots of birds singing and lots of color when I plant all my favorite flowers.
There is something about flowers that just bring joy to my soul. I love to get my hands into the dirt and smell the soil. Watching my flowers bloom and then enjoying them for the balance of the year just makes my heart sing!
So bye for now. Quiet and peaceful here. Enjoy each day and remember to SMILE!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)